2 months

So the cleanse didn't really work as I wanted it to. I was hoping that removing the toxins from my body would help me get unstuck. But most mornings I still wake up with a hard spot in my heart, ready to cry. I want there to be a solution. I want there to be a way for us to be friends. I want to be able to hug him and know that there is reason for me to be hopeful. But I am quickly losing hope and he has not done anything to give me hope. It makes me so sad. I don't know what to do. I have never been lonelier than I have been in the last two months.

I was looking for something red to wear today (the 4th day of Navaratri)and I realized that all of the colors in my closet are blue, purple and green. That I own no red, orange or yellow. The significance? I am stuck in the lower Chakras( represented by the colors red orange and yellow). I need healing in my second Chakra ("Emotions such as anger, hurt and resentment are centered here, so are difficulties with self-esteem, and fears of being uncreative or unproductive. Here are stored pictures from past traumas as well as feelings of a need to control. The body parts that correlate to this chakra are the large intestine, bladder, kidneys, lumbar spine, and pelvis. Included for women are the ovaries, uterus and fallopian tubes. Possible problems due to a blockage or imbalance here are arthritis, urinary tract infections, infertility, sexual dysfunction, sexually transmitted diseases, and diseases of the spinal discs, kidneys and female reproductive organs. ")and I often feel like I am too much in my head and i feel hurt in my heart and my tears well up from my throat (purple, green and blue). So perhaps I need to wear more orange? The people I know who love that color: Lowell, Joe and Will.

I am also struck as to how although I am lonely here, I am creating community elsewhere. I have been intruducing friends to each other. Jess will be hanging out with Jeff in Seattle and Claudia and Joe hung out tonight in Paris. I am happy that this community building is happening....and I am hoping that by putting it out there, some of it will come back to me.