yoga dream

As you probably know I have been having a rough time lately. I have been pretty hard on myself. I find myself constantly judging myself, feeling like a bad person because I don't know how I feel or what I want and that I am hurting my partner by not living with him and needed time and space to figure it all out. I think knowing I am hurting him is the worst part. Anyway, I am working on this, trying hard to be "here" and not worrying about the future, but most of the time that is not how my mind works and I have been having anxiety dreams. I had one about yoga that woke me up the other morning. I find it a bad sign that these dreams are now about yoga as yoga is the one place where I feel either safe enough to let go and cry or the only place where I can be in the moment and not absorbed in my issues (depending on how serious the issues are at the time). Anyway, I found it comical and thought I would share:

I showed up to class and we were practicing in a strange warehouse-like studio. There was no place to put my mat or there was debris on the floor where I tried to put it down. I was trying to braid my hair before class, but it wouldn't stay up. Michelle Hegemon told me not to worry about it because it was goignt o be a heated class today anyway even though it was supposed to be a level 1-2. (I've never taken a heated calss and while i am interested, it makes me a little nervous for some reason). When you arrived and announced that it was going to be heated a bunch of people left and while you were trying to encourage them to stay and challenge themselves it ended up sounding very judgemental and I started to get upset. Then I found a place to put my mat but it was in the corner in a little cubby hole. you wanted us to chant to start class but you wanted us to chant the word "Switzerland" which doesn't exactly role off the tongue. When no one but a few of us actually chanted the word, you got frustrated and told us that we sounded plastic. I got very upset and started crying and left class at which point i woke up breathing hard.